A Ma Vie De Coer Entier
by MissA79
Summary: They promised each other forever, but sometimes forever isn't easily obtained.
1. Chapter 1

The title of this story is French for 'You Have My Whole Heart For My Whole Life'. The other chapters will be longer!

* * *

" _Lenaaa. Wake up babe. We're going to be late."_

" _Five more minutes Damon."_

" _Don't make me have to get back in that bed and rip off those covers."_

" _Come and get me Salvatore."_

" _Far be it for me to deny the lady."_

"Elena you have to get up."

"Five more minutes."

"I already have the U-haul packed up."

I pull down the covers and sneak a peek out of one eye the clock. Ugh.

"It's only eight o'clock!"

"It's a five hour trip. I'd like to make it by dinner. Mom is cooking."

"Stefan…"

"Please don't. You said going back there wasn't going to be an issue."

Stefan lets out a sigh and sits down on the bed and I quickly move the covers away and slide onto his lap, wrapping my arms around him. I bury my face in his neck kissing him, and he wastes no time in holding onto me.

"It won't be. I just need some time to get use to it."

"My brother and Rose will be there."

"I figured as much."

"We'll stay with mom until we find a place; I promise it won't take long."

"Actually I was thinking I'd stay with Aunt Jenna."

"Because of Damon."

Yes, I scream internally.

"No. Because I've only seen her on holidays these past three years, and Jer is there. It's my parents' house Stefan."

"Right, I'm sorry. Of course. Maybe I can sneak in one night." He smiles so brightly at me and I don't have the heart to tell him no. Even to this day I can still hear my mothers voice.

 _"I know very well that boy sneaks in your window the nights your Dad is at the hospital."_

 _"He doesn't, Mom I..."_

 _"Hush, what Dad doesn't know won't hurt him. The last thing Damon would ever do is disrespect you. I trust him."_

 _"Me too Mom."_

How wrong we'd both been.

"Maybe. I'll shower quick and we can get going."

"I'll grab a snack and coffee for the road."

"Perfect."

I turn the water as hot as my body can take. If only it could wash away my sins. Hell, I had plenty of them. Most of them came from the most sinful person she'd ever met in her life. Damon Salvatore. I knew it the first time I laid my eyes on him that he was the beginning of something, turns out he was almost my end too. Until Stefan that is. The boy with the hero hair saved the day. I knew I had to get out of that town, and he was not letting me go alone. I had always known Stefan had a crush on me since we were younger, but I always belonged to Damon. There wasn't one person in Mystic Falls that didn't know it. And I was always his, until that day that I had enough and drove away with the other brother.

Stefan Salvatore was the best man I'd ever met and I would never deserve him.

As much as I'd changed and as much that changed there were a few certain things that never would. I'm reminded of it every time I'm in front of a mirror and I see the small letter D in manuscript on my rib cage.

Sometimes I swear I can still feel his fingertips tracing it over and over, never getting tired of the non-existent feel of it.

 _"I can't believe you did this."_

 _"Should I not have done it?"_

 _"No! Elena never in my life have I thought I could be loved the way you love me."_

 _"You have my whole heart for my whole life Salvatore."_

 _"You've had mine since the first time you slapped me."_

 _"I'm going to need you to stop talking and finish getting naked."_

 _"You always say the right things."_

Stefan sets our apartment keys on the counter as finish checking to see if we left anything anywhere. There's nothing, and that's when it hits me that this is real and we are leaving.

"Ready?" He asks me reaching for my hand. I take it the same way I did that day.

"Let's do this."

We hop into the truck and make our way back to the past.


	2. Chapter 2

"Stefan Salvatore tell me you did not just tell Elena you loved her."

He turns around to see his mothers face with a genuinely torn smile, and behind that he sees the disapproval. He puts his hands in his pockets and stands up straighter and musters up the confidence he knew he'd need for this.

"I did."

"Oh Stefan."

"Don't oh Stefan me Mom. I have always loved her. I love her right."

"She's your brothers girl."

"No, she was my brothers girl. Damon is with Rose. Elena ran away to get away from him Mom."

"He made a mistake. We all make mistakes Stefan, but he has loved that girl from the first day they met in high school. You know that as well as I do."

"He lost her, I found her."

"Stefan."

"Mom, just don't. Can we pretend Damon isn't your most prized possession for five minutes?"

"You know that's not true."

"Don't I?"

"Listen to me young man, I love you both the same, and you know very well why I gave your brother more attention. Even when Damon was small your father could never handle Damon's careless attitude, and it only got worse as he got older and defied your father left and right. But you Stefan, you adored your father from the start. Once he had that he just forgot about Damon, as hard as that is. Damon was always a momma's boy."

"Yet here he is running Dads firm."

"Because you left Stefan. You followed Elena and left everything behind without second thought."

"I needed to get away."

"Was it so bad for you here?"

"No, I just needed to be me. Not Damon's brother, or Giuseppe's son. The constant battle between Damon and I, seeing who could best each other got exhausting."

"But you came back with Elena, to work at Salvatore and Sons."

"This is so messed up."

"Oh baby, it is."

"Damon is going to hate me isn't he?"

He sits back on the porch swing, and his mother joins him, taking his hand in hers.

"I'd like to think with time you'll get past this, your brothers after all. You use to be best friends."

"You know he called Elena every day for the first six months we were gone."

"I know."

"He is going to hate me, and I don't blame him. I deserve it, but I love her too."

* * *

I pull out the same house keys on the same keychain I've had since my parents first trusted me enough to come home from school alone. I walk into the home I've missed so much that it brings tears to my eyes seeing the familiarity of it. Being away from it for so long seems like such a mistake looking around, feeling my memoires flood me. I'd always be forever indebted to Jenna for deciding to keep this house instead of selling. I know what she gave up to do it, and no thank you will ever be enough. With Jeremy still in class and Jenna at work it's eerily quiet as I make my way up the stairs to my old room. Jenna hadn't changed a thing, just like she told me the first time she came to visit me it would stay that way because I'd have to come home and face my demons sooner or later. And as soon as I walk into my room, that's just what I see when I see Teddy staring at me. I grab onto him as I fall back onto my bed.

 _"I think I wore our lovely Elena out Mr. Bear, what do you think? I bet it was that thing I do with my tongue."_

 _"Damon my dad bought me that bear!"_

 _"Are you going to tell on me, Mr. Bear?"_

 _"Leave Teddy alone!"_

 _"Afraid he'll tell Daddy all the ways that the bad brother defiled his daughter?"_

 _"God Damon, do you have to be such an asshole?"_

 _"Shit Lena, I didn't mean it like that."_

 _"Is that all you care about?"_

 _"No."_

 _"It is with all the other girls."_

 _"Lena, there were other girls, but none of them were you, or will ever be you. I have only ever loved you."_

 _"Even if slutty Rebecca tries to drop her panties right in front of you?"_

 _"Even then. There is no question, Elena. I am with you, only you. I will always choose you."_

* * *

She hasn't been able to think straight since she saw her pull up with Stefan at the Boarding house. She hasn't been able to get the look of betrayal from her face out of her head since that day, and now here it is, back to haunt her. She sees Damon speaking with two men in tuxedos, and she knows that it must be important but so is this. She quickly comes up with an excuse about an emergency to pull him away. He looks none too pleased, but she can't find it in her to care in this moment.

"Rose this better be real important, I was just about to go in a meeting with a new client."

"You might want to sit down."

"What's going on? You don't look so good. Is something wrong?"

"I'm-It's-Elena is back. She came back with Stefan today."

"What?"

She sees the shock written all over his face. He had no idea that Elena had been with Stefan all this time. They knew Stefan left with Elena, but they had assumed they each went their own way eventually since Stefan never once mentioned Elena to anyone.

"Damon?"

"Yeah?"

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine."

She sees the lie plain as day on his face. He forgets she knows his tells.

"Damon, it's okay to be surprised, even upset about it."

"I stopped looking for her a long time ago."

"I know you did, but-"

"No buts Rose! Aren't you the one that told me that her and I were either the best thing or the worst thing for each other? Well we were the worst thing for each other. It's over. So thanks for letting me know, but I have work to get back to. I'll see you at home."

He kisses her on the check and she gives him the best smile she can put on. She leaves the office knowing that Damon isn't going to be able to just go back to work. He's going to call Ric and ask him to meet him for a drink, and then give him the third degree of why he didn't inform him that his niece was coming back to town. She refuses to let herself think about what this really means. Because if she does, she'll break down and she can't do that right now. While she knows Damon loves her, she also knows that none of it compares to _her_. Not that Camaro he refuses to let anyone but him fix or drive, not the job he was clearly made for, or the money and power that came with it. Nothing has yet to make his world turn like Elena Gilbert. She is his kryptonite and with out a doubt the only real love of his life.


	3. Chapter 3

He's an idiot, he knows he should not have come here. Not after the four shots of bourbon he just threw back like they were water, but somehow standing here on her doorstep has almost completely sobered him. He barely remembers the half hour walk to get here. The walk courtesy of the holier than thou quarterback who now owned the grill who took his keys. Which was the right thing, but he'd never tell him that. He just couldn't sit at that damn bar anymore, where memory after memory came rushing back at him. It wasn't enough that after she left he couldn't set foot in the bar for at least six months. Instead he'd just show up at Ric's and they'd drink until they passed out. But when it came to her there was no way he could call Ric. He'd been furious at Damon for what happened, and he'd never put him in the middle. And Damon was in a mood for a fight, and punching your best friend usually didn't fare well when you had a short supply of friends to begin with.

He knows how unfair this is to Rose, that she doesn't deserve for him to go behind her back like this. He's already sorry, but he can't stop himself. He's never been able to when it comes to her, and nothing has changed that fact, even if everything else has changed.

He's here because even after all this time and hurt he can't stand the thought of her hating him forever. Even if he's the one who drove her to leave, even if she didn't love him, even if she's shacking up with his brother. He knows how incredulous it sounds, but the way he loves her is foolish, completely, stupid, and irrevocable. He's tried so hard not to, but the point is moot, he knows he'll love her forever. He's never been one to talk about his feeling, but everything went out the window when it came to Elena Gilbert.

So he knocks.

"Damon."

He can see the shock on her face that he's shown up here. She's always been the most beautiful girl, but standing here seeing her now, she's as gorgeous as ever. Her hair is shorter now, and he's sure no one in the world can pull off that cut like she can. She looks like she hasn't aged a day since she left, yet she looks more mature, more like a woman than the girl he use to know.

"So you're really back?"

"It would seem so."

"Are you drunk?"

"It would seem so. Where were you Elena?"

He feels his shoulders sag, and he's acutely aware of how desperate he sounds, but he can't bring himself to care. He knows she hears it too because she doesn't even fight him on an answer.

"Charlotte."

"You were with Stefan the whole time?"

"Yes." He stomach turns as he hears the confirmation he was begging not to. His brother has been lying to him for years, and there's only one reason he do that.

"You couldn't return one phone call? Make one trip one home in four years?"

"No."

"After everything we've been through you don't think I deserved that, not recycled words scribbled on a freaking post it?"

"You proposed to me and slept with Rose. Practically in the same sentence, so no you didn't."

"You said no! I thought that was it."

"My parents had just died Damon, I was angry at the world. I couldn't think of anything past what was going to happen to Jer and I if we'd lost the house. I was twenty Damon, still in college. I was scared! You were asking for forever when I couldn't even think past that day."

"I would have taken care of you Elena. Both of you and you know it. I loved you enough to keep us together, I would have done anything for you. "

"Damon…"

"Don't Damon me. You left me, and you never looked back."

"You slept with someone!"

"Because I thought we were over! Because you broke my heart when you said no."

"I'm pretty sure that you're still with Rose, so tell me did it start that day, or were you having an affair the whole time?"

"Screw you Elena! I loved you more than my own life. You said no, so I left. You never came after me."

"Bullshit! That's how I found you in bed with her."

"A week later! You refused to see me, no call, no text, no explanation until now, four years too late." _Too late_ , the words come out bitter. Maybe it's because he doesn't mean them. Maybe he's bitter because he lied when he said loved, like loving her was only in the past.

"I just needed some time to process everything. And the first bump in the road you do that. Because that's what you do Damon. You get hurt, and you lash out. Rose was my friend, but does the Damon Salvatore care? Nope, does what he wants when he wants, screw the consequences. I trusted you with my life Damon, and you destroyed it."

"I never meant to hurt you."

"Never meant to hurt me? I lost my parents and you in the matter of two weeks! I don't want to hear your pathetic excuses. You should go."

He knows he should, they are just hurting each other more with this conversation but he can't help himself.

"So you and my brother?"

"Uh-huh." He can see the shame on her face before she looks down at the ground unable to face him, the way she pulls her sleeves over her hands. He almost feels ashamed for feeling glad she feels that way.

"When?"

"Sometime after we left."

"The loyalty from the two of you astounds me."

"Don't give me your shit Damon, I don't need it."

"He's my brother."

"You don't think I know that? How messed up this whole situation is? I'm aware of it every damn day. When I let myself remember, when I feel everything I felt those last few days before I left I can barely breathe Damon."

"I went to every hospital in Virginia trying to find you. I drove for days, I couldn't sleep. My girl, love of my life and my brother take off without a word. I assume he went with you so you weren't alone and as a friend, only to find out you've been together the whole time and he never bothered to tell me. How do you think that makes me feel? I loved your parents too Elena, I lost them too, and then my Dad died. I hated the bastard sometimes, but he was my Dad. So don't talk to me about not being able to breathe. I had to be strong for my mother, I had to step up and take over a company on my own because my brother wasn't moving back and I was there when your brother needed a friend. I'm not the good guy Elena, but I did the right thing. And I'm going to do it again. I'm going to stop chasing you Elena, all these years should have been enough of a sign. I feel too much, and far be it for me to be the problem anymore. You got what you wanted all those years ago, no more connections to me. I hope you and my brother enjoy each other."

"Damon wait."

"I fucking loved you, Elena. My heart beat for you. You made your choice. Now I'm choosing, and I'm choosing to let you go."

His eyes are resigned; he turns and walks away without a second thought. My tears fall as soon as his back is turned because I know he's not turning back around. And no matter how deep I dig I can't find it in me to stop him. I had committed the ultimate betrayal, because Damon's right I let him go that day, and held his actions against him and then lived a secret life with his brother. For the first time since I left it hits me how badly I hurt Damon. It wasn't suppose to happen this way. That post it was supposed to be our closure. The goodbye we needed to write to be able to move on and let go. I remember every word I wrote, how much it broke my heart to write it. _'I want to say thank you for giving me everything I always wanted. A love to consume me, passion and adventure and even a little bit of danger. There's nothing more I could want than it to last forever, but it can't. This is the last time you'll hear from me. This is goodbye Damon.'_

" _What do you want Elena?"_

" _I don't know Matt!"_

" _Well you should probably figure it out." He spits out before walking away from me._

" _You want what everybody wants." I turn around to a guy I've never seen before, but god was he handsome. Eyes that looked like they were created by the ocean. He's wearing the most confident smirk I'd ever seen, and I can't help but smile._

" _And what's that? A mysterious stranger who has all the answers?"_

" _Maybe. You want a love that consumes you. You want passion, and adventure and even a little danger."_

 _Before I can say anything my mom pulls up and Jeremy makes his way over and I'm glad I don't have to answer him. I just smile and shake my head as I walk away._

Damon Salvatore knew me from day one. He knew me because he knew himself. We were one in the same after all. I gave him the same words back he gave me the first day we had met outside the school because it felt right, he had given me everything. I should have known those words would stick with him. Just as they've been with me since the day he said them to me. I'm so lost in the memory I didn't realize Jenna pulled in until she's in front of me looking worried.

"Elena?"

"Hi Jenna."

"Why are you crying?"

"Damon was here."

"Oh honey. Come on lets go inside, we'll talk about this over wine."

She wraps her arm around my shoulder, and when I lean into her home feels like home.


	4. Chapter 4

To say Damon doesn't want to do this fails in comparison to the fact that he absolutely loathes having to be there right now. He knows how this is going to go down. He's going to see Stefan and it's going to take everything in him not to hit him. He really doesn't have anything to say to him at least none that he can think of right then. He's just royally pissed off. He remembers when they were growing up there wasn't anything they didn't tell each other. They were as close as two brothers could be. He admired Stefan, no matter how much their father pushed him away from Damon, Stefan always had his back.

He opens the front door and hears them in the kitchen. Rose and his mom laughing at something Stefan had said. He had done so well at successfully avoiding Stefan since he had found out he had come back to town with her, but his mother had insisted on a dinner and rather than to keep putting it off he decided he would face the music sooner rather than later. As soon as he hears Rose's question he knows that this is his in.

"How did you like it in Charlotte Stefan?"

"Yes, Stefan, tell us. Why don't you tell us about all about Charlotte."

He walks into the kitchen, rolling his sleeves up casually and stops next to Rose. Stefan's smile fades away as if it was never there and he looks at Damon like a deer in headlights.

"We came to have a nice dinner. Please." He hears the pleading in Rose's voice, but he can't just ignore the elephant in the room. It's not in him, and they all know that by now.

"Damon, don't start."

"Don't Damon me, mother. Did you know Elena has been with him this whole time?"

"I found out when they came home last week." He can see the pleading in his mothers eyes not to do this, and he wishes he could do that for her. But Stefan has lied to him for three long years, and he's never felt so betrayed in his life.

"If you have something to say to me you might as well say it and get it out of the way."

"You sound so righteous for a liar. So sure Stef I'll say it. Are you enjoying my sloppy seconds?"

"Damon!" Both my mom and Rose shriek.

"Listen, you don't need to drag Elena down because you're mad at me."

"You were my best friend, she was my….my everything, and you both left me. You've lied to me for years, and you came back here like it was nothing. Like I was nothing, so am I mad at you? No, I'm not just mad, I despise you! I don't want you to help me run the company anymore, I've done just fine by myself. I don't need you."

"It's my company too Damon."

"Not anymore."

"Your father left it to both of you, you'll work together Damon."

"No mother I won't."

"You want in on the company; I'll see you in front of the board. Dad might have preferred you to run Salvatore and Sons, but I'm the one who made it what it is today. I made it into a billion dollar company. I did that! And I don't want to work with you. I don't want to see you. You aren't even my brother anymore as far as I'm concerned."

"You don't mean that."

"Oh I mean it. I wish you never came back. Funny, you took my happiness when you left, and now that you came back you took it away again. Thanks for that."

He walks away angrier than he had thought he was, but as soon as he started he couldn't stop even if he wanted to. It was everything he needed to get out. Everything he didn't get to say to Elena. He pushes away the guilt from seeing the look on his brothers face when he told them they weren't brothers anymore. He ignores the look he saw on Rose's face from what he said about Elena. He hears Rose coming after him, and even though they took two separate cars he waits for her and they walk out together.

* * *

When Stefan shows up on her doorstep she can immediately tell something happened. Stefan and Damon were alike that way. Their brokenness shown in their eyes like no one else she had ever met. She could see clear as day how hurt her was, the unshed tears so close to falling. He walks into her room and lays down on the bed, she does the same and faces him.

"Thanks for letting me stay here tonight."

"Of course. I'm sorry I've been so distant. This is just harder than I thought."

"Me too."

"What happened tonight Stefan?"

"Damon and I got into it. Well, more like Damon got into it with me."

"What do you mean?"

"Elena he hates me."

"No Stefan, he hates me, he's mad at you."

"He's not just mad at me. He told me as far as he was concerned we aren't even brothers anymore."

"Stefan I'm so sorry. This is all my fault. I wish I could fix it for you."

"I don't think he's ever going to forgive me for this Elena."

"Stefan-"

"Don't say anything, okay? Please? Can I just hold you?"

"Of course."

Elena knew what that felt like. Damon had tons of ways of lashing out, but his words hurt the most. Everyone knew when Damon threw around feelings in a fight he was more hurt than he'd ever admit to.

 _"Damon you can't just punch Matt like that! What were you thinking?"_

" _What was I thinking? Like you have no clue!"_

" _I don't! What is wrong with you?"_

" _Everyone knows Elena, how can't you?"_

" _Knows what Damon? Why are you so mad at me?"_

" _I'm mad at you because I love you."_

" _What?"_

" _I am so in love with you Elena."_

" _I…"_

" _Please say something."_

" _We can't."_

" _Why?"_

" _We wouldn't work as a couple."_

" _You mean because of the way I am. Got it."_

" _I still need you in my life Damon."_

" _As friends, right? No, Elena. I can't be your friend. It's too damn hard."_

" _Damon please. You don't mean that."_

" _No. I'm serious Elena. I can't see you anymore. I don't want to hear your voice. I don't want to talk to you, I don't even want to look at you, and I sure as hell don't want to be your friend."_

" _If that's what you want."_

" _That's what I want."_

* * *

"Can we talk about what happened tonight?"

"Can we not?"

"Sure."

"Good."

"But then we'd have to talk about it tomorrow."

"Rose."

"Don't Rose me Damon. What you said tonight was horrible and hurtful."

"I didn't mean to hurt you."

"None the less, you did. You've never let Elena go, not once. Not even when you told me you loved me. I don't know if that hurts the most or if it's that I should have known you'd never be in love with me."

"I do love you."

"I know a part of you does, and I love you. So much. But I don't love who you were tonight, especially not towards Stefan."

"You're actually sticking up for him."

"He's your brother Damon, she's just some girl."

"She's not just some girl!"

"I see."

"Shit, I didn't mean it like that."

"No, you did. There is no other way to mean it. I'm going to go to bed, I think you should sleep out here tonight."

"Rose?"

"Mhmm?"

"I'm sorry."

"That's the kicker of it all. I know you are."

She climbs into their big bed alone, and she lets the few tears fall that she couldn't stop. She wants to blame all of this on Damon, but she's not foolish or stupid enough to believe it. She knew full well that he was never going to get over Elena completely. It was easier to pretend when she wasn't here is all. Deep down Rose knows how this all plays out, but she doesn't want to think about what happens next right now. So for now she just sleeps.


	5. Chapter 5

"Can we talk?"

Not only can she see his demeanor change as he looks over at her, she can feel the shift in his mood.

"Nope. I'm busy."

"I just watched you crumble paper and shoot it into your garbage can for the past 5 minutes." She tells him as she takes a seat in front of his desk. It's the first time she gives him a genuine smile in so long that it feels uncomfortable. He leans onto his desk and just looks at her, probably thinking the same thing she is. How sad it was that the the two people who knew each other better than they knew themselves had become such strangers. He clears his throat and she knows the calm between them is gone.

"What would your boyfriend say about your spying tendencies?" He spits out full of anger.

She ignores his question, because Stefan doesn't even know that she's there. He would have tried to stop her if she told him. And once she got up here to his office, she couldn't stop herself from looking at him, not when he was so at ease. Something she was sure he wasn't enough of these days.

"I'm actually here about Stefan."

"I don't have a damn thing to say about him, especially to you of all people."

"I know you're mad Damon, you deserve to be, but don't take this out on Stefan, this is my fault."

"Oh it's definitely your fault too, but he did this. He's lied to me for years. He stole the one thing in my life that I had going for me."

"That's not true, look at you now Damon."

"Yeah, look at me now Elena. I'm running this damn company; I don't have a brother anymore, the love of my life is with said brother. I'm on top of the world Elena."

"Damon-"

"I wish you'd stop saying my name like that. Actually just don't say it at all, how's that?"

"I am so sorry, I know you don't believe it but I am."

"You threw me away when I made a mistake because I thought we were over, I groveled with apologies, and none of them were good enough for you. So you can take your apology and get the hell out."

"It's only been three weeks since we got back, and that three weeks is nothing to the fact that we aren't leaving again, so I'll leave your office, but we're still going to be here. I just need you to hear me this once. We can't go on like this forever, we need to find some common ground, I won't bullshit you with some excuse, but I will tell you that Stefan is devastated. He hates himself right now. He loves you more than he loves me, and deep down you know it. Don't ruin your relationship with him over me."

He looks down, like he's trying to process what she's saying, but she knows better. He's trying to steel him self away, keep out every word she's saying. Because he's hurt and he wants someone to hate, to take out his anger on, he's in no way ready to let it go. She has so much she wants to say to him, but he's not ready to hear it, or maybe she's not ready to say it. She's said what she's come to say, and she doesn't want this to turn into a fight in the middle of his office so she grabs her handbag and gets up to leave. And to her it seems like that's all they do to each other anymore. Leave.

"Elena?"

"Did you even listen to them?" She turns back around and sees the pleading in his eyes, it forces her to tell him the truth not to lie like she'd so much like to make this easier.

"Every single one."

And she runs before she lets any tears fall. She runs because she can't breathe when he's looking at her like that. She jumps into her car and pulls out her phone.

 _"I've been at every one of our friends' houses; I get home and guess what I find? What the hell kind of goodbye is a post it?"_

 _"So you're just going to leave? That's insane."_

 _"Where are you?"_

 _"Look I know you're mad, and you have every right to be, but can you please just call me back?"_

 _"Elena, please, I am so sorry."_

 _"Come back to me, Elena, please."_

 _"I miss you."_

 _"I thought about texting you, but then I realized why I haven't. I'd drive myself crazy wondering if you had your read on or not and if you were reading them. I'd imagine you are listening to these voicemail's, at least I hope you aren't just deleting them. Well anyway, goodnight Elena."_

 _"I guess you heard about Jer? Him and his buddies were just being teenagers, drinking and thinking they are cool. You remember when we stole a bottle of champagne from your parents stash and woke up to them sitting there watching us? Anyway, I bailed his ass out, and gave him a good talking to, don't worry."_

 _"Dads gone. Stefan won't come back. And now I've got myself a company I never wanted. I need you."_

 _"You're a coward Elena. Running away like you did. I hate you."_

 _"So yeah, I was pretty drunk last night. I won't say I didn't mean it, because drunk men speak what sober men think, right? A part of me does hate you for leaving, I feel like a part of myself is missing."_

 _"I am so drunk. And I'm so sorry. I just miss you so much. I wonder if I'll ever stop? Have you?"_

 _"Guess what? I landed the biggest deal for Salvatore & Son's that this company has ever seen. I did it Elena."_

 _"You're never going to pick up are you?"_

 _"You win Lena, it's time I move on too. I guess this is goodbye then, but I want you to know I'll love you forever."_

She plays back the few messages she saved, and wishes that she did things differently. Even if Damon screwed up, she knows it was partly her fault. She let him go without a word for days, refused to see him or answer his calls, then took off without a word. Deep down she knows her actions pushed him to act out, and if she's being honest she knew that he'd do something destructive. Back then she was drowning and looking for any excuse to run, so when it happened she did just that. Back then she had thought leaving was the biggest mistake she made. That was until she switched Salvatore's.

* * *

"So want to tell me why you're so out of it?"

"It's nothing, just didn't sleep well."

"So it had nothing to do with you running out of Damon's office earlier today?"

"You saw that?"

"Yep."

"Why were you there?"

"Damon hired me to plan the charity auction that his company throws. But back to the subject at hand. Why were you at Damon's office?"

"I wanted to try to talk to him about Stefan."

"And how did that go?"

"About as well as you'd think it would go."

"Yes, his mood indicated that. Can I be honest with you for a minute?"

"Of course you can."

"I can't for the life of me figure out what in the world made you decide to get into a relationship with Stefan. El, you've never seen him like that, and now your sleeping with him, you came back to town with him and didn't even consider how much you were hurting the people you love."

"Care..."

"No, I just don't understand it." She wipes away a tear and I feel m stomach turn.

"Hurting the people we love? You don't just mean Damon do you?"

"I just meant-"

"No, that is exactly what you meant. Tell me what I'm missing."

"You really don't have a clue?"

"What don't I have a clue about?"

"I never said anything because I saw the way he looked at you, even though you never gave him a reason to. We all knew you and Damon were meant for each other. him and I were just friends, but I was so sure he'd get over it and I'd be able to tell him."

"Tell him what?" She barely manages to get out, she's sure she knows where this is going, and she feels like she could vomit at any second.

"That I've loved him as long as you've loved Damon. I use to think that one day he'd notice me. One day when his infatuation with you wore off, I'd get my chance. Guess I was wrong."

"Care, I'm so sorry. I had no idea."

"It's not your fault, no one knew. Well, except Damon and I swore him to secrecy."

"Damon knew?"

"Overly observant asshole he is, and also way more trust worthy than I have ever given him credit for."

"I feel like the worst person."

"Really El, it's okay."

"It's not. I'm hurting you Care, and Stefan and I hurt Damon more than I imagined we could."

"Elena Gilbert you know Damon better than anyone in this world. You knew deep down how he'd take finding out about you and Stefan."

"I knew he'd be hurt and he'd lash out, but I never expected him to disown his own brother!"

"It'll blow over eventually. I've known you my whole life. So I know you love him, I'd never question that, but you need to figure out what you're doing."

"It's been over for years."

"I was talking about Stefan."

"Oh."

"And I think you like to think it's been over with Damon, but clearly by your response it isn't. One look at your face when Damon is mentioned tells me you're lying and if I see it you bet your ass Stefan does too."

"Things were just so easy with Stefan and I when we were away. We just kind of built this life and somehow ended up together. A part of me knew I should stop it, but I didn't want to. I liked being with him, he made me laugh again, but he never made me forget about Damon. I've always been torn about it, and now it's fifty times worse. The truth is I have no idea what I'm doing , but I do know I have to fix this between Stefan and Damon."

"Listen Elena, you just have to remember the Salvatore's may fight like dogs but at the end of the day, they'd die for each other."

Her best friend was absolutely right, now she just had to remind them of that. And fix everything she'd broken in the process.


	6. Chapter 6

_"Holy shit Stefan! I got the job!" I jump into his arms as soon as he walks though the door, he spins me around, and it's the first time I'm happy since before we left Mystic Falls._

 _"Of course you did. You are going to be a great doctor Elena."_

 _"I didn't think this would be so easy."_

 _"Getting the job?"_

 _"Leaving, starting fresh. Getting this job was some serious luck. I feel like it's too good to be true, like it shouldn't be this easy."_

 _"Well it's not. Everything's happening the way it should happen. You've been given a chance to start over in the absence of the one who defined you."_

 _"You sound like a fortune cookie."_

 _"Maybe so, but it's true."_

 _"Have you talked to him?"_

 _"No, mom said he reminds her of Dad sometimes, all he really does is work and sleep, that he barely talks to anyone except...wait for it..."_

 _"You can say it, Rose, of course."_

 _"Nope."_

 _"Nope?"_

 _"It's Caroline."_

 _"Care? Are you sure, she hasn't said anything when I've talked to her."_

 _"Yep, she's over the moon he's finally being civil to someone at least. Mom said Care brought him home from the bar one night and offered to keep an eye on him, so she went up to bed and when she got up the next morning they were still awake laying in the living room talking."_

 _"That's not normal Stefan."_

 _"I know, but she said that's the only person he seems to really talk to. Even with Rose she said he's different."_

 _"I wonder why Care hasn't told me."_

 _"Maybe she's doing both of us a favor and looking out for Damon since we can't."_

 _"Maybe. I know this is selfish but I'm so glad you're here Stefan."_

 _"Me too."_

* * *

"Care?"

"Yeah?"

"This benefit your doing, it's not just because your the best that Damon hired you, it's because your his friend. I remember Stefan telling me that you and Damon had gotten closer, I never brought it up because you didn't, but after the other day at the grill how you had his back I...I just wanted to say thank you. Damon didn't have Stefan or I, so I'm glad he had you."

"I have always known Damon loved you, but I never thought he was good enough for you. Especially after he slept with Rose, but this one night-"

"When you brought him home from the bar?"

"How did you know?"

"Lily told Stefan, she was so happy he was finally talking to someone, but anyway continue."

"I stopped by the grill after one of my events for some late night take out, Matt was about to call Lily when I walked in and asked if I could get Damon home, he had taken his keys, I didn't want to but I also didn't want to bother Lily and have her come into town so late. As usual he was being his jackass self and had me so pissed off by the time we pulled up to the boarding house, and before he got out I decided to give him a piece of my mind."

 _"You need to get over yourself Damon, this whole situation is your fault."_

 _"What is your problem Blondie?"_

 _"You are so stuck in your own self pity you can't see past it. You didn't just screw up your life Damon, you screwed up Elena's and Stefan's and mine. Elena literally ran away from you, and Stefan left to help her cause your such a jackass even he needed to get away from your self destruction, and me? I'm alone, Elena was the only family I had, and now all I'm left with is a weekly phone call, and Stefan, I loved him Damon, and I didn't even get to tell him. I don't feel bad for you, all I feel for you is sad, and hate."_

 _"You don't think I know how bad I screwed up? It was colossal, and I hate myself for it. I hate my self. I don't have any self pity. I have self hatred. I have successfully turned into a worse version of my father. I'm alone and I deserve it."_

 _"You still have Stefan, and your mother."_

 _"Stefan and I barely talk, and my mother told me she's not going putting up with a replica of my father."_

 _"She's just worried about you, she loves you."_

 _"You don't have to try to make me feel better, you hate me remember?"_

 _"Okay, that might have been a little harsh."_

 _"Eh, I've been told worse."_

 _"I know deep down you have regrets Damon, you loved Elena, that's the one thing I have always believed about you."_

 _"She was the good in me, and that's gone now."_

 _"Is it though Damon? All those years with Elena destroyed in months? I don't think so."_

 _"Debatable."_

 _"I was on the debate team, you should take that back or I'll have to prove you wrong."_

 _"Ha!"_

 _"I should go though, it's starting to snow pretty good."_

 _"Why don't you stay?"_

 _"I'm not sleeping with you Damon."_

 _"Um, gross. I just don't want you to get into an accident, that's the last thing my conscience needs. Plus I need to hear more about your love for my brother."_

 _"I really have to learn when to shut up."_

 _"Oh, believe me, I saw that coming a mile away, you are not so subtle."_

 _"You knew?"_

 _"I'm not blind, and you just confirmed my suspicions."_

 _"You've got enough rooms, so I guess I'll stay, it's not like I have anything to go home to. I'll grab my bag from the trunk."_

 _"You keep an overnight bag with you?"_

 _"You can never be too prepared Damon."_

"Wow."

"Yeah, I knew how badly he hurt you, and I felt like a bad friend for not hating him, but I felt just as alone as he did."

"You understood him."

"Yeah, as strange as it is I got to know the Damon you always said existed and I liked him."

"There's nothing wrong with that. I wouldn't have been mad, I just wish you would have told me how you were feeling. You are my best friend Care."

"I know, I knew you needed that space though. But that's the past, and we're back, you're back and you can never leave me again."

"I won't. Promise."

"Good, but you need to go home and get ready for tonight."

"Can't I just skip it, fake sick?"

"No Stefan needs you here and so does Damon he just doesn't know it yet."

"Ugh, Care."

"Go."

"Fine."

* * *

Caroline's party goes off with out a hitch, the place looks spectacular, the turn out was even bigger than for some of the Mystic Falls events if she remembers correctly. Her and Stefan stick together throughout the night, and when they bump into old friends, it becomes awkward with the looks they give them. Mrs. Lockwood, ever so brazenly asks _"How is poor Damon dealing with this?"._ She's had her fill an hour in. When Damon takes the stage like the powerhouse he had turned into the whole room becomes focused on him. She's grateful for a reprieve.

"Miss Forbes has really turned this charity ball into something you'd see only in New York. She is that good, can we all give her the round of applause she so greatly deserves? Thank you Caroline."

This is the most Damon he's been since she's been back, and his fondness of Caroline shines in the warmest smile she's seen him give anyone lately. She grabs a champagne flute off a tray before taking a seat at the table as he continues his speech.

"Once upon a time, I hated this law firm. I never wanted to be a part of it. I can practically hear the horrified gasp my mother probably made at that confession all the way across the room but it's true. When my dad died, I wanted no part of this. I wanted to show him I could be better than he ever expected, and for a while I became worse than even I though I could be. A dear friend reminded me that I wasn't the only person in the world that was suffering, but I didn't want to live up to anyone's expectations of me, so I didn't bother. Until I remembered that someone very wise once told me that it wasn't that I didn't want to, it was that I was afraid of failing to live up to their expectations."

He pauses and his eyes find hers, even in a crowded room such as this, he immediately finds her. This moment is his defining moment, it's written all over his face, he's finally proud of something he's done. She gives him her biggest smile and nods her head at him.

"So I decided to do better, to be better, and become the better man. That is why this company is what it is, because sometimes we need help, sometimes we need that extra push. And tonight this is about that. All the money from this benefit will be going towards helping minors who got mixed up in the wrong thing and need that help, or the guy who made one wrong choice and lost everything. Whether that's getting someone off the street into a shelter, defending them or getting them into counseling, or simply giving a warm meal. It's getting them what they need. So this benefit is for my newest endeavor, The Salvatore Center, my wonderful mother over there is going to help me run it, and we are going to remind anyone that needs reminding were not left behind, that they are not forgotten. That they matter. So I'm going to let Miss. Forbes take over now and start the auction. Remember, everything here was donated and one hundred percent of the proceeds go to The Salvatore Center."

The whole room gives Damon a standing ovation, and she quickly follows. She sees Stefan making his way towards her, and she quickly wipes away the tears that started to fall.

"Did you know about this?"

"No, how would I?"

"I thought maybe Caroline had told you."

"No."

"I need to go talk to my brother, you'll be okay for a few minutes?"

"Of course Stefan, go."

Within two minutes of Stefan walking away Elena eats her words when she see Rose walking towards her.

"Elena, hi."

"Hello."

"How are you?"

"Fine, not that it should matter to you."

"Can we please just talk for a minute?"

"Why?"

"Because I was your friend."

"Friend? Friends don't do what you did to me Rose." She grabs her bag off the table and gets up to go find Caroline when Rose grabs her hand.

"Elena, please, don't walk away."

"You want to talk? Let's talk; you slept with Damon full well knowing what happened, you knew I still loved him. I saw the way you looked at him, but then again every girl did, so I just ignored it. You should have walked away from him that day, you should have told him things would work out because you knew I was going to talk to him, but you didn't. You were my friend and I trusted you. What I got in return was my world ripped away from me. You did that Rose. He was the best thing for me."

"Funny Damon said you were the worst thing for him."

Before Elena can think about what she's doing she slaps Rose, harder than she even knew she was capable of. When Rose looks back at her holding her cheek she's got tears in her eyes, and she can't find it in her to care. She notices everyone around them is staring but she feels no sympathy for her, and she's got nothing left to say to her so she just walks away.

* * *

Stefan finds Damon outside the building sitting on some empty crates with a bottle of bourbon next to him.

"What do you want Stefan?"

"How did you know it was me?"

"You've been my brother my whole life. I can always feel your stare boring into me when you don't know how to approach me, you've done it since we were kids."

"You said brother."

"I have my moments, so you might as well take advantage of it while you can."

"Damon, I've never been so proud of you in my whole life."

"Gee thanks Stef."

"I'm sorry. About everything, about the business, about Elena, but most of all I'm sorry that I hurt you. Because I know I did, worse than you'll ever admit. I want to fix it Damon. I came back because I missed mom and you so much. We were best friends Damon, I tried to start over with a clean slate, to do something on my own, but it never felt right. We were a team Damon, I screwed that up, so I came back to fix it, and made everything worse. I keep trying but I can't get anywhere because I'm lost brother, I'm not doing so great at all."

"Why did it have to be Elena?"

"I always wanted something like you guys had, and then one day I just made a move, and I didn't think about it. I didn't think about the consequences."

"Sounds like something I'd do."

"Yeah, it does. I love her Damon, but you are my brother, that means more to me. Maybe it seemed like it didn't but it does."

"I'm probably going to regret this but you can start at the office anytime you like. Job's yours."

"Thanks."

"Um, Damon, Stefan?"

"What Blondie?"

"Elena just might have slapped Rose and ran out of here."


End file.
